Just like them
by jgn
Summary: Future Fic- How will Ryan handle it when his action make him just like those who raised him. First Fic ever. Please be nice. R for languange.
1. Default Chapter

I own nothing of value.  
  
Ryan is now 26. He is married to a sweet girl named Naomi he met in college. Naomi is a nurse and came from an average, loving, middle class family. She knows a little about his childhood but does not know the extent to the abuse. They have two children: James Cohen Atwood age 3 and Kristen Marie Atwood age 7 months. Chapter 1:  
  
Naomi loved being a nurse. She loved being able to take people's pain away. That was probably what first peaked her interest in Ryan. Even when he seemed happy you could still see pain in his eyes. She saw the fear and hurt in his eyes when a asshole calculus professor had yelled at Ryan for attempting to correct him. She knew then that he was not the average freshman and UCLA . She knew there was more depth to him then the usual liquor driven frat boy. He was so shy when she approached him for help with the calculus that was driving her insane. It took a while for Ryan to finally make a move and Naomi did not want to push him; but people could tell they loved each other.  
A relationship grew based on respect and love but Naomi never could penetrate the part of him that would reveal to her all his fears, all his built up pain.  
  
She thought about their relationship and his bottled up emotions during the long shifts at the hospital. That is what she had been thinking about all day on Saturday when she wanted to be with her family. To watch Ryan with his children. To see him show the love and devotion and kindness he never had as a child. She was expecting to find them all asleep on the couch after watching Jamie's favorite Disney movie for the umpteenth time that week like she did when she came home from an usual Saturday shift.  
  
That is not what she found when she walked in the house. Well, truth be told she heard the difference first. Kristy was crying at the top of her lunges. Ryan was so Attentive tht her screams never got loud. She also heard Jamie screaming and crying, something the happy go lucky child rarely did especially when he got to spend all day with his Daddy. She walked in nervous to what she would find in her normally calm house.  
  
The first thing she noticed was that Ryan was no where to be found. She let her curiosity rest for awhile though because she had to be a mother first. She ran to Kristy's room and found her sitting in her crib with a full diaper. She expertly changed the diaper and calmed Kristy into a light sleep. She then went to Jamie to find out his problem. But he had worn himself out before she reached his room. She saw him hiccupping and sucking his thumb in his sleep and decided it was best not to disturb him.  
She had a hard day at the hospital. She decided to change out of her scrubs before she searched out Ryan and found out why the hell he had left both kids alone and screaming. She walked into their darkened bedroom and found something that never would have occurred to her. Her stoic husband was crouched in the corner of the room sobbing. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chap 2:  
  
Ryan had heard her car pull up. He knew he was going to have to face the music now. He couldn't believe what he'd done. He was just like all of them. He had promised himself that he would never be like them but now he had done it. He should leave before he damaged his own beloved family beyond repair.  
  
He had heard both Jamie and Kristy crying but he couldn't bring himself to look into their tear filled eyes knowing the monster he had now become. He heard Naomi changing and comforting Kristy, he then heard Jamie's crying stop as well and knew she'd been in here soon.  
  
He wanted desperately to pull himself together. To calmly and rationally explain to Naomi what happened and then leave. The disappointment and fear that he knew that he would see in her eyes was what kept him hiding in the corner.  
Hiding like he always did. Hiding from the monsters that filled his childhood nightmares and reality. But he couldn't hide from himself and he couldn't stop the sobs that were racking his body. He wanted so much to take it all back and start the day over but he knew he couldn't. What was done was done and his family was shattered forever because of him. He didn't know how to tell her what he'd done but he was going to tell the truth. He had no plans of adding lying bastard to his list of faults.  
  
He heard he door knob turn but didn't look up. He didn't want to see her face, her caring eyes, her soft hair, the look of concern upon finding her entire family bawling upon her return home from a long day of work. He felt her freeze at the sight of him. Knew she was confused and scared because he never broke down. He was the strong one, the one that fiercely protected everything he loved. He was so scared, scared of her reaction, scared of losing his family, and most of all scared of what he had become. He now felt her rush towards him, felt her cool, soft hands stroke his coarse hair.  
  
He had an odd flashback to Kirsten comforting him after his and Teresa's baby had miscarried. He hadn't expected to break down that day either. Kirsten's love for him that day had overwhelmed him and much as Naomi's was right now.  
  
Thinking of Kirsten only upset him more because he would have to explain to the Cohens why he had left his family. See the disappointment in their eyes when he told them of the monster he had become. Tell them that all their years of love and support meant nothing. He had reverted to the days of his childhood.  
  
He heard her murmur "What's the matter, sweetie" And he finally looked into her eyes and told her he had fucked up. He told her how he woke up this morning with a killer headache; how Jamie had been whining all day about wanting that damn Tonka truck they had been advertising on tv; how Kristy could not settle down today and how when he finally got her asleep, Jamie started yelling at him to come see the Tonka truck commercial and woke her up again.  
  
He told her that he lost it on Jamie he yelled at him for a long time and when Jamie tried to run away scared while he was yelling he'd grabbed Jamie's arm and yanked him back. He told her when Jamie kicked his Daddy because he hurt his arm; his father and the other assholes in his life had taken over his arm and he'd slapped his baby boy. He told her about the fear and hurt he saw in his son's eye. Fear and pain he had caused. He then told her that he understood that he could no longer be apart of this family and one day he hoped she would forgive him. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chap 3  
  
She ran to her husband when she saw him cowering in a corner, and comforted him the way she would her children. When he finally looked up at her, she saw the deepness of the pain in his eyes and heard his confession about fucking up. She was confused and scared about what happened while she was at the hospital.

She listened silently to his complete confession and did not at first know how to react. Her first response was fear, how could he hit his own child? He was so careful with his children not wanting to damage them the way he had been. Her next thought was pity. She knew about his terrible childhood and figured that the response from his father for the same actions would be much worse then what Ryan had done.

She then told him that depriving their children of their loving father would be worse abuse then his one mistake. She carefully suggested they look into some family therapy . She knew the Kirsten and Sandy had tried to convince him to go to therapy after he returned from Chino after "the Teresa incident" as she had always heard it called at the Cohens call it. She also new that he vehemently refused, the only time he ever refused them a serious request.

She told him that therapy would help him be the Daddy he wanted to be, the Daddy he could be with his children. It would help him deal with his issues of abuse, neglect and abandonment. She told him she didn't know what else to do besides therapy. She loved him, the kids loved him, she didn't want him to leave. She also didn't want her and her kids walking on eggshells afraid that his childhood would come back to haunt all of them.


End file.
